My PICC Line

A PICC Line is inserted into those of us who will be receiving intravenous treatment, whether it be blood transfusions, antibiotics , or chemotherapy. When compiling the worst activities to do with a PICC line there were a few prerequisites. It had to be a specific activity; simply stating don’t Pull the PICC line or Twist It or Bop It, (remember that game) wouldn’t do. They also had to be a exhilarating. For instance, I consulted my Infusion Care handbook on what to avoid with a PICC, I didn’t find much. The manual recommended not to smoke while flushing your PICC line…boring, if not painfully obvious.

I  also asked others for their opinions while compiling this list and most, like funneling a beer down the the line, were beyond idiotic— everyone knows vodka is much more potent. Finally after many long nights the Five worst activities to partake in with a PICC line was born. Enjoy.

SCUBA DIVE

Water is the favorite medium of bacteria, and all other kinds of smallish organisms. Here’s my nightmare. You are moving down the ladder of a ship, headed for the depths of an ocean or lake(let’s hope not) when your wet suit catches the ladder. It makes a tear, the tiniest of tears. So small you don’t even notice. And so your paddling around 30 or 40 feet below, and so is the Candiru, or some sort of parasitic fish close to it. Sensing your warmth the  fish slips into the little tear and sooner or later bumps into your the tip of your line. What’s this?

It’s a tiny little body, led by it’s spiny head slides on in. It swims downstream, well down the tube. The obvious problem of having a tiny parasitic fish swimming around your heart, continuing doesn’t seem beneficial.

PLAY VOLLEYBALL

Originally this seemed like a bad idea, but not any worse than participating in any other sport that requires flailing arms and minimal physical contact. But then I did some good old hitting the street’ journalism. After googling dangers of volleyball I came a contract produced by the Eastmont School District, that all those hoping to participate in volleyball must sign:

“I understand the dangers and risks of practicing and competing in volleyball include but are not limited to, death, serious neck and spinal injuries which may result in complete or partial paralysis, brain damage, serious injury to virtually all internal organs, serious injury to virtually all bones, joints, ligaments, muscles, tendons and other aspects of the muscular skeletal system, and serious injury or impairment to other aspects of my body, general health and well being. I understand that the dangers and risks of practicing or competing in volleyball may result not only in serious injury, but in a serious impairment of my future abilities to earn a living, to engage in other business, social and recreational activities and generally to enjoy life.”

The chance of  profuse bleeding after taking a spike ball off the the piccline or the embarrassment of getting tangled in the net is enough for this particular list.

CLIMB A TREE

The problem is your the tree climb is it demands excessive use of the arms. When I left the hospital, the one thing my doctor and every nurse inbetween stressed was to do nothing that forces the arm to bear weight. This was repeated often and never with any add-on as to what could possibly happen. Maybe it was so horrific nobody wanted to mention it. Maybe the line rips through your arm, maybe the tip tickles your heart, who knows. What I do know everyone in the hospital you come across warns sternly don’t lift any weight with that arm! You’re not going to do it. Sure you could try to climb with one arm or only your legs, but both seem unnecessarily dangerous for a more than lame thrill.

MUD WRESTLE

This is the devil of all activities to partake in with a PICC inserted. Not only will it get ripped out of the arm, but their is a zero percent chance of avoiding infection once mud pours into the gapping hole in your arm. And after all that you may need an ambulance to come extract you from the mud pit, as seen below.

“NEWPORT, Ky. — Emergency crews rescued a woman who became stuck in the mud in Newport Friday.The woman called 911 after she got off her bus at about 8:30 a.m. and decided to take a short cut….Because of the rain, the ground was muddy and the woman said she became stuck.”

And no, these things don’t only happen in Kentucky although at times it seems that way.

Completely unrelated, I would have enjoyed being the first respondent to this call.

RUN A MARATHON—This is a terrible idea. Granted a slight irritation from sweat or the incessant rubbing of your pumping arms against your shirt are the most likely dangers. More important running 26 miles in less than a two or three month span seems dangerously boring. With or without a PICC, I would caution against it.

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